i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
