And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
