sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
