just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
