i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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