I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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