hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
