Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
