My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
