Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
