It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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