would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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