Too much gin, very little bucket
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
