guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
