Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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