last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
