hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
