called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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