he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
