it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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