Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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