she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
