i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
