All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
