What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
