hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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