you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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