idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
