can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize