i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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