Where did you get a picture of my penis
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize