i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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