Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
