JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize