Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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