woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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