she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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