He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
