put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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