shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my shit smells like andre
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
