you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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