I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
