I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i will never coherently bang her
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
