Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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