I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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