he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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