Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
