I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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