is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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