i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize