don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
