Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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