I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
