I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
