"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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