i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
