Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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