you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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