Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
