Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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