i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
