i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
