I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
