Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
