Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
