Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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