So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
