and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
