If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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