No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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