The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
