u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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