I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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