I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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