My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
