Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
