I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
